The Hunger for Attention

Richard Wright's hunger for attention is extreme, I guess, in comparison to how I was as a little attention-hogging kid. I never did anything dangerous or rebellious like him, but I guess this is because my parents taught me better, and because I'm a girl. I still recall being a complete show-off in the presence of guests. When I was in Japan, I used to be very chirpy and sang Japanese songs with a plastic flashlight as a microphone whenever my parents invited colleagues, friends, professors and such. The guests loved me, they gave me gifts frequently. :D

Even now I do things because of that deep down wanting attention. I don't admit this to myself, and these actions are much more subtle. But nowadays, I also try to be noticed by being good at skill sets that I work hard to improve. Take piano, for example. I've been playing piano for about seven years, and even though I don't want to be labeled as a show-off, deep inside I sometimes hope people ask me to play something if a piano is nearby. After so many years of hard work, nobody knows that I can play the piano (much less how "well" I can play the piano) and I'm just dying to hear praise coming out of someone's mouth. At least, that was how I used to be with the piano. A year ago, I finally discovered that child prodigies truly exist, and that no matter how good you may think you are, there's always someone better than you. That deflated my self-esteem (you can't even imagine), but the want for attention is still there when I am in the presence of those that aren't learned in music.

In my case, I crave praise because my parents are always criticizing me. In Richard Wright's case, he is curious, he wants attention, but most importantly I think he wants some affection from his mother. He never blames her for beating him, or for treating him harshly, and he acts rebellious and does things that will force his mom not to act kindly to him. Underneath, Richard's mom is trying to teach Richard a lesson, but Richard almost understands why he was wrong in doing what he did. I can understand if Richard allows himself to be hurt for the sake of one day having his mom realize herself that she's wrong in treating him so harshly.

JY

PS Happy Chinese New Year 2011!